I hope everyone is having a lovely week! I’m at an all-too-familiar location: the airport. San Diego bound and no complaints; just wish it was a tad bit closer. Oh well, it gives me more time to tackle to this week’s love and relationship questions.
Please continue to tweet me at @Alywaite or @AskAliB9N using the hashtag #AskAliB9N.
No question is too outlandish, though I admit I’ve received a few, what I’d call, “highly unique situations,” but I don’t judge and I’m happy to help!
AskAliB9N: I am talking to this guy but it’s just not there….our mutual friends set us up, so should I continue to talk to him? Or should I let our friends know I’m not interested?
Being set up by friends is awesome and such a great way to meet people – that is, until you don’t like that person. Then it’s the absolute worst. I understand your desire to keep everyone happy but you don’t want to lead the poor guy on, and you also don’t want to force something that’s not there just for the sake of your friends.
Simply come clean about where your head is. You can’t help it if it’s “just not there.” I think you should let all parties know the truth before it becomes awkward and people start taking things personally. That said, I don’t think you should get too detailed as to why it’s “just not there,” specifics aren’t really necessary and could hurt his feelings if private shortcomings are revealed to his friends. Be classy, keep it brief and don’t share any weird kissing mishaps, etc. It could get back to him and who knows what he’d retaliate with. Plus, it’s not really nice so if you need to vent (about how he always smells like garlic) tell someone who isn’t a mutual friend.
Let him down easy. Use the old “it’s not you it’s me,” chalk it up to bad timing – whatever you feel comfortable with to let him know it’s not working for you. Given that you have mutual friends it’s very likely that your paths will cross again. Unless he’s a total creep (I hope your friends wouldn’t do that to you) he could be a wonderful friend in the future. Though there wasn’t a love connection, there must be some reason your friends set you up in the first place. You never know a nice friendship could blossom from this. Give it a little time to let the dust settle. Especially if your reason for blowing him off is how busy you are or wanting to focus on your “career.” Now go on and have “the talk,” preferably with him first.
AskAliB9N: A girl I went on a date with friend requested me on Facebook two days later. My profile is set to private and I’m not sure how I feel about her yet since we’ve only hung out once. Should I accept?
Social media certainly has thrown a new wrench in the attempt to remain cool and mysterious. I highly doubt you want her to see those pictures of you golfing with your buddies during a bachelor party with your pants around your ankles quite yet. Or any pictures for that matter. Unless you have erased all past traces of relationships or other gals (even just friends) you know she’s going to cyber stalk given access to your past posts and pictures. This could cause a weird and unnecessary jealousy so I wouldn’t allow her to go there yet. Every girl claims to not care about a potential mate’s past loves but after a few glasses of wine sometimes curiosity gets the best of even most sane suitors. And for this reason I say don’t be Facebook friends for another week or so.
Leave her in friend request purgatory until you get to know her better without researching/snooping through her past and vice versa. I think that Facebook is a great representation of who you are and what you like, but let her find out all those things by getting to know you first. Then in a few weeks when you hit accept you can confirm just how awesome you really are with all those funny skateboarding dog YouTube videos you post. Maybe by then you might even need to change your relationship status! Until then, be real-life dating friends first.
